


Choices

by maybethiscouldbetheline



Category: The Hollow (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friendship, I love Kai, I'm so dramatic guys, Introspection, M/M, but he made some questionable decisions okay?, but he makes up for them, episode 8: Ice, just trying to get my feet wet before I throw myself headfirst into multi chapter fic, more likely heavily implied future Kaidam, slight angst, sorry about that, the whole trio just really makes my life, umm...I'm just really bad at tags okay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 02:08:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15571386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybethiscouldbetheline/pseuds/maybethiscouldbetheline
Summary: Kai reflects on the choices he's made in the game as he sits on a quickly shrinking block of ice and waits (hopes) for Mira to come back and get him. Most of them have been...less than stellar, but he knows that, this time, he's finally made the right one.





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> So...um this is my first foray into The Hollow fanfiction. I found the series about a month ago and absolutely fell in love with it and with Kaidam. The ending was...interesting and I've already got a notebook filled with notes on where I plan on taking that. I guess this is kind of a test run before I start on that. I'm always terribly nervous the first time I write for a new fandom, especially one that has so few episodes -meaning less time for me to get a feel for the characters voices. Hopefully this came out okay. I love Kai so much, but he definitely was the weaker link in team K.A.M. for a while there and while I like to think he more than made up for it in the last few episodes, it was fun to kind of get in his head and explore that a little. Not much else to say here. This is completely canon compliant, although there are some bits and pieces that put it pretty firmly in the universe I'm setting up for my bigger story.

Adam was right. About _everything_.

About the game and the other team and why this bizarre world kept getting weirder and weirder and probably about a dozen other things that Kai is too upset to think about right now. But Adam was _right_ and Kai can’t shake the horrible feeling that the other boy is never going to wake up so that they can tell him that.

And it’s all Kai’s fault.

Kai’s the one who trusted Vanessa and her team. Kai’s the one who refused to listen when Adam said they should only defrost the Ishibo and leave. Kai’s the one who stopped looking for Mira and Adam when they both vanished into a hole in the ground, just because some pretty girl he’d known for all of two hours and a flying session told him he should. Kai’s the one who wasted their last portal from Weirdy on a trip to the middle of nowhere that got them all nearly frozen to death. Kai’s been making terrible choices from the start of this game and now he’s gotten the one person who could lead them out of this whole mess successfully probably killed.

Kai’s not sure about outside this video game, but inside it he is definitely not a fan on introspection. Unfortunately, when you’re stranded alone on a rapidly shrinking block of ice in the middle of the ocean, there isn’t much else to do but think about _something_.

Right now though, all he can think about is how badly he’s messed this whole thing up. He can’t help but be afraid that Mira won’t actually be coming back for him and that he’ll just tread water until the other team finds the Iron Wood tree and the game ends. He knows they need to be a team to win (he’s pretty sure they need to be a team to win, otherwise, why come in as a team at all), but if Reeve is right -and right now it seems like those other kids know a hell of a lot more than he, Adam, or Mira ever had- then Adam is already as good as dead and there’s no way for them to win without him. And Kai hasn’t exactly been the kind of teammate that Mira would want to come back for just because.

He’s been messing up from the start.

They’d not even made it through the first level (at least he assumes the demon dogs and the cabin in the woods were the first level -this game doesn’t exactly follow normal gaming rules) before Kai was willing to run and leave Adam and Mira both behind to save his own skin. If there was anyone else here to justify his thought process to, Kai might be tempted to pass off coming back because he cared for them deep down even though they’d all supposedly just met, but it’s just him so there’s no use lying.

He’d come back every time because he’d realized pretty quickly that whatever was happening, he couldn’t survive it by himself.

He’d made the choice to unfairly blame Adam for when they’d thought Mira was dead, drowned and trapped at the bottom of the ocean. He’d made the choice to blame him for not being able to control his powers when Adam had accidentally sent him flying backwards. He’d made the (not so) subtle choice to resent Adam for being able to play the hero while Kai was still running scared, powerless and unsure about even the smallest snap of a twig. It had created a rift between them and even though Adam had never come out and said it, Kai knows that his lack of support and trust in the taller boy had left him shaken and unsure of himself on more than one occasion -especially after the whole fiasco with Mira almost, potentially (they were so sure, it was the _only_ logical conclusion after all) being dead.

He’d made the decision to tag along with a group of people (two of who barely even tolerated him) instead of searching for the two people who had proven to be trustworthy time and time again. And all because a pretty girl had batted her eye lashes at him.

He flushes in shame and anger at the thought of Vanessa. He can still hear her laugh (actually, Kai is angry enough that he’ll call it a cackle -nasty which that she turned out to be) as she’d dropped him from the sky, fulling intending to take him out of the game. Kai can only guess at how literally she meant for it to be. He’s not proud of how easy it was for her to sway him to trust her and her friends. All the signs that Reeve and Skeet, at the very least, were untrustworthy and Kai had ignored them, ignored his friends’ unease at the situation.

But Vanessa had liked him best. Had been interested in what he had to say. Laughed at his dumb jokes. Mira had always liked Adam better and it didn’t take much to get Adam annoyed at Kai’s antics and until a few days ago -assuming time flowed normally (or at all) in the game. It had never occurred to any of them to question the passage of time, there was too much going on, and now that Kai tries to concentrate on it, he can’t get a firm grasp on how much time has actually passed – Kai hadn’t even had any kind of powers and his skill at fixing things had almost gotten Mira killed so it hadn’t exactly felt like an asset. But Vanessa hadn’t known any of that. She’d just seen Kai and liked him for him. Or so he’d thought.

It hurts, a kind of bone deep ache, to think about the way he’d been used. And he’s furious at himself for falling for it. But he’s also furious at Vanessa for doing it. For getting Reeve and Skeet to go along with it. All to win some stupid game. It had been too easy for her to mess with his head, with his friends, -he can still remember the sound of Mira screaming Adam’s name, pure panic and anguish and distress in those two syllables- his _heart_.

His heart stutters in his chest as he remembers running back into the ice cavern. He remembers the way his heart stopped and his breath caught as he’d taken in the scene before him. Adam, paler than Kai can ever remember the other boy being, lying unnaturally still and Mira, face pressed to his chest and crying. The last time Mira had cried, he’d been incased in ice and she’d been sure he was dead. And he’d be so sure that Adam was...that he’d been...and it was all his fault.

Which had led him to where he was now. Sitting on a block of ice, hugging his knees to his chest, and wondering if Mira had found land, if Adam was still clinging to life (even if it was just barely), if Mira was even going to bother coming back for him if Adam wasn’t. If he would even be able to handle it if he wasn’t. And it’s possibly the worst situation the Kai has found himself in since he woke up confused and without his memories in a white wash room with no windows or doors.

Because he’s alone now. Completely and utterly. There’s nothing to distract him from his thoughts. He thinks about everything that’s happened and it just makes him depressed. He knows he’s been a less than stellar teammate throughout this game and he doesn’t know what that means for after the game is over. Do they know each other outside of the game? Are they friends? Casual acquaintances? Did they meet for the first time when they did whatever it was that they had to do to get themselves into this game? Did they choose to work together? Was it luck of the draw? If they were friends, are Mira and Adam still going to want to be friends with him when it’s all over. Even if they win, will his actions in the game damage their possible friendship beyond repair. Did Kai possibly lose two good friends because of some dumb insecurities and pair of doe eyes?

He definitely regrets a lot of the choices he’s made since this whole crazy adventure began, but the one thing he doesn’t regret is sitting here, alone in the middle of the ocean. Because of all the wrong choices he’s made in the past however long it’s been, Kai knows that he was right to send Mira on ahead with Adam. They can’t win without the taller boy, even if they don’t all need to cross the metaphorical finish line together. And Adam doesn’t deserve to die because of Kai’s bad choices.

He can’t die. Because then he would be gone and that’s just...something that Kai refuses to accept.

Because, sure, Adam gets annoyed with Kai, but he’s also the first to comfort him when stuff goes wrong. And he never lets Kai get hurt, even before they were out of that weird room, Adam had been saving his skin. He never minded when Kai clung to him in terror (which has happened more times than Kai is proud to admit). And he’s almost always got a reassuring smile for Kai, one that he doesn’t even give Mira. And he’s _never_ made Kai feel inadequate for not having powers (even if Kai felt it enough for all three of them). He can still remember Adam’s warm smile when Kai had made it out of the burning ride at the amusement park, alive and in control of one of the fiercest elements in nature. _Very cool, Kai_.

Kai refuses to lose that. He refuses to lose Adam. His friend...or whatever.

So even if Mira never comes back for him and he just floats here until the game is over, it’s okay. Because it means that Adam had a chance at surviving and somehow, at the end of the day, that’s all that really matters to Kai now.

Before his thoughts can spiral too far out of control a sickening crack brings him back to reality as a good-sized chunk of his already too small ice block breaks off and drifts away.

“No, no, no!” He’s forced to his feet as more and more of the ice breaks off. “Stop. Stop!” He’s down to two pieces of ice, each just big enough for one of his feet and he knows that this is bad. “I said stop! Ah!” He loses his footing and goes down, dropping into the freezing water below him.

He can’t help the desperate cry of Mira’s name as he breaks the surface, clinging to the one piece of ice left that’s big enough to support him. Kind of. He also can’t help talking to himself, this game might actually have driven him crazy (or maybe talking to himself was a thing he did before the game. How is he supposed to know?). And then, because that’s the kind of luck that Kai has had since waking up in this weirdo video game, three sharks are heading directly towards him. And, despite the theory he suggests to himself, he doubts very much that they’re vegetarian sharks.

He’s about to resign himself to being shark bait when the three animals scatter and a whale surfaces so close to Kai that the only reaction his body is capable of is diving into the water and swimming for his life.

It’s not until Mira’s voice breaks through his haze of panic that he realizes the whale is actually there to help. He climbs aboard their newest form of transportation (and he wants to say weirdest, but they’ve literally flown in a spaceship), but his joy at being rescued, at seeing Mira and knowing by the smile on her face and her laughter at his joke that she is genuinely glad to see him, is almost immediately overshadowed as he catches sight of Adam, lying on the whale, still and unmoving and paler than anyone (especially Adam) has a right to be.

He falls to his knees next to the boy, feeling crushed under the weight of every bad decision he’s made that’s led them to this moment. “Is Adam...?”

“Still alive!” Mira reassures him before turning back to face forward. “Hold tight. She can really move.”

_She_ is the whale and Mira isn’t exaggerating about her ability to move. She takes off so swiftly that Kai lurches backwards and barely manages to grab hold of Adam and keep him steady. He spends the first leg of their trip alternating between vomiting off the side of the whale and using his fire powers to keep Adam warm (neither he nor Mira are sure it’s helping any, especially since the weather has been rapidly warming up, but he’s so tired of feeling useless that he refuses to stop). His stomach settles pretty quickly though and after they shoo the flock of seagulls off of Adam’s unconscious form, it’s actually a pretty smooth ride.

It doesn’t feel like a very long ride, but his sense of time is still a little wonky, but pretty soon Kai spots land from where he’s playing lookout at the front of the whale (he’s named her Kayleigh in his head, he’s not sure why). “Over there, look!”

Mira looks up from where she’s keeping watch over Adam (not that he moves much on his own, but Kayleigh is kind of bumpy ride and he tends to go sliding every now and then), perking up as she catches sight of it herself. “Yes!”

Kai moves back over to join her, trusting Kayleigh to take them as close to the shore as she can. “Adam,” he tells the other boy, kneeling down to get closer and unable to keep the worry out of his voice, “you’re gonna make it. We’re almost there.” He knows Mira looks as worried as he does. They _are_ almost there (assuming _there_ can actually help Adam), but Adam’s been hanging on for a lot longer than anyone should probably be able to. “Just...hold on until we can get you some help.” There _has_ to be help there. Kai refuses to accept any other alternative.

He places his hand over Adam’s, and even through the other boy’s thick gloves he can tell that his hand is colder than it has any right to be. But all he can do for now is give it a reassuring squeeze and hope that next time it’s as warm and comforting as it always is.

He blinks, his thought process pulling him up short.

_Always? Next time?_

_____________________

 

It happens a few nights later. Time is starting to flow normally or they’re better able to keep track of it at any rate. Kai isn’t sure if it’s because of the glitches or because they’re nearing the end of the game, or just because they’re finally aware of the fact that it _is_ a game, but they definitely have the sense of time passing now. They still don’t have much of a plan, however. They just know they need to find Vanessa, Skeet, and Reeve before they find the Iron Wood tree.

They don’t need to eat or sleep in the game, but Mira and Kai had both been able to tell that Adam was getting frustrated because he felt like they were wandering aimlessly and they had agreed with a look that maybe a quick break to rest their brains and reformulate a more solid plan might be beneficial for everyone.

Kai had agreed to stay back at their “base” while Mira and Adam had both gone off to find some firewood. Kai can keep a fire going on his own, but he’d like to practice with his powers a little more (games don’t end without at least one major boss battle after all) and with some wood, he’ll be able to do both. He’s in the middle of practicing shooting small fireballs off into the distance when the snap of a twig alerts him to the presence of another person. He barely has time to get into a proper defensive stance when Adam walks into view, grinning at the flame dancing in Kai’s open hand.

“Very cool, Kai.”

Kai grins sheepishly, closing his hand and extinguishing the flame. “Sorry about that. Guess I’m just a little on edge.”

Adam chuckles, dumping his pile of wood onto the ground and taking a seat a few feet away from it. “Aren’t we all. But hopefully this will all be over soon.”

Kai lights the fire with a flick of his wrist and can’t help the warmth that seeps into his chest at the impressed look on Adam’s face. “You’re getting better.” He comments as Kai takes a seat by the fire as well. A small break can’t hurt.

“Thanks.” He grins at the other boy over the fire. “It’s taking some work, but I’ve got some really cool ideas about ways to use my powers. I can’t wait to try them out!”

Adam smiles again and they fall into a comfortable silence. The only sounds are the typical forest-y ones and the crackling of the fire. After a few moments though, Adam clears his throat and when Kai turns to look at him, he’s surprised to find Adam looking bashful. It’s not a look Kai can remember ever seeing on the other boy before.

“Listen...” Adam rubs the back of his neck and Kai realizes with a strange sense of certainty that that’s a nervous tic the taller boy has always had. “Mira told me what you did. After...well, while we were all floating on the ice.”

“Huh?” Kai doesn’t really think he did much of anything. Well, besides maybe stay behind.

“How you dove into the water to get the map when it blew away.” Adam clarifies. “Thank you.”

“Oh!” Kai blinks in surprise. He’d completely forgotten about that. “Oh, um, you’re welcome.” He chuckles. “I’d actually forgotten about that until you said something.”

“Yeah, well...” Adam seems a lot more interested in finding the answers to life in the fire than he does in making any kind of eye contact with Kai, but this talk is boarding dangerously close to the “feelings” territory so Kai is just fine with that. “I know you never really cared about the map, that it was always my thing, so just...thanks. For saving it.”

Kai shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell you. We were watching it blow away and all I could think was that you would want it when you woke up. And I wanted you to have it when you woke up.”

“Thanks.” Adam says again and this time he glances over at Kai. “And thanks for...the other thing.”

Kai doesn’t need clarification on that one. He knows exactly what Adam is talking about. About how Kai had offered -demanded in all honesty- to be left behind so that Adam could have a chance at surviving. Even though he’d had no idea if Mira would or even could come back for him.

It’s Kai’s turn to look bashful, but he wants to start acting like a proper member of the team, and that means being honest, even about the bad stuff. He looks into the fire, because it’s easier to admit his mistakes to the flames than to the other boy. “I’ve made a lot of wrong choices since this whole video game thing started. I guess I just... finally wanted to make the right one.”

He lifts his gaze to meet Adam’s and is surprisingly unsurprised to find the taller boy is smiling at him, a small bashful thing, but his eyes are warm and bright and Kai can see the reflection of the flames dancing in them. And he realizes with a jolt that he wants to be able to see that look on Adam’s face every day. That he wants to be the one who puts it there.

And as he returns it with a smile of his own, small and tentative, but still warm and a promise of just... _something better_ , Kai can almost literally hear the metaphorical pin drop.

_Oh...!_                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully you guys enjoyed this! And hopefully I was able to capture Kai and Adam's voices pretty well. I know there wasn't a whole lot of Mira (even though I love her), but if you want it, you will see a lot more of her in the other story I have planned. Sorry to leave the ending kind of ambiguous, but I just really love the idea of Kai figuring out that maybe Adam means a little more to him then he originally thought after the near death scare. (Adam's revelation happened way sooner of course. Because he's precious and completely smitten basically from episode one). But, yeah, that's what that metaphorical pin drop was supposed to be. Kai realizing his feelings. Anyways, thanks for reading!


End file.
